What drives young men to plot assassinations? Start by looking at the men raising them, and a culture that derides emotional connection—oh, and Jesus Christ—as “weak.”
Seth - thanks for articulating this, brother. Lust for power is greatest in those who feel they have none at all.
One thing that comes up for me is my lifelong task of reconciling these worlds. It's a question of home.
I am of that ilk, originally trained to zip shut or blame others for my lot, to isolate with my clanking band of machinery and pain.
In healing so much of that material, I am a ghost to my former folk: at the Oregon coast, in Alaska, even as a carpenter, though I speak the language and know the postures, the ways in which my suffering shows up now is just a little too .. different to feel like I belong.
I admire your ability to meet with an open heart. We live about halfway between Portland and the Oregon coast—rural as one can get—and as you’ve encountered, there are many lone wolves out here with Let’s Go Brandon flags flapping from their pickups. Driving by, it’s easy to judge. But in conversation, it’s such a different experience, a touching into a shared fragility, as hard as they may to hide it.
Amazing writing. I grew up in that region and left as soon as I could. That said, I would love you to explore the urban progressive lone wolves, too. And I want to explore more about the woman angle for these guys. That haunting line you quote at the start (men with nothing promising other men control over women) ...well. It haunts still. These characters you paint so well didn't connect to women enough to dismiss that particular ghost. I'll keep reading your stuff and see if you explore that angle more. But wow. So well said. Thank you.
Thank YOU Josh, truly. And it's an ongoing exploration for sure. I'm not a "political" writer, but it so clearly illuminates the draw of conservatism as a rigid stance. Like you, I want to see where this leads too....
Defining manhood by hating women, what a copout, if anything, the attitude that passes for "male" is what endangers, isolates & torments men, since it 's so far removed from natural male energy shaping itself into a capable character. I reckon the blunt trauma sustained since the worldwars, "great" depression & such literally muted many that started as wellmeaning idealists yet came back emotionally shredded. So typical dad, haunted by nightmares of an unspeakable nature & depleted of affection, became a morose irritable figure one rather not disturb, since they are already too disturbed within to even fully be present. Couple that with the bourgouis positioning of a "man" as being da topdog bullyish knowitall that runs house & business with iron fist & rusty morality & ya got a recipe for disaster. Keeping men weak, occupied & short has long been practiced by "ruling class" also, to avoid any challenges to power, sooner send them to war than face protest & change ... So it gets quite confusing, manhood, living among too many examples of how absolutely not to be, avoiding attitudes platitudes & lingo, dodging the "boyhood forever blokes", finding ways of original expression while avoiding being taken for "any guy 's like that", which words have not endlessly been raped in conversational attempts with women, by now on high alert anytime a "man" even enters da room... As a man, the sheer embarassment & rage of awareness about what guys get up to, the unimagineable depravity, fêted ignorance & nonsensical appeals to bravery, heroism, ownership, entitlement, positional validations etc combined with the horrifying grotesk outcomes of "male" attitude & decisionmaking, it gets too much, with few other sane options than blatant Selfinvention, solitary reconstruction of mind & manners, generating fresh ways of connection & communication with little to steer by other than avoiding "normalised behaviour" at any cost, only running on yr own till ya stand out & as a consequence open to connections on a diffrent frequency, one that doesn't cause a cringe... That feeling of not knowing whether to punch or crashhug a guy for being so obnoxiously trying too hard to fill a toxic cliché that is a frightening antidote to manhood & humanity, realising abuse is sustained by enprisonment of those that physically fight against it, knowing that anytime you walk out da door yr tolerances will be challenged, you will be challenged, mocked, derided, attacked, shamed, while having to practice a distancing to prevent altercations, being tested on veracity of character constantly, not to mention unable to work, play, communicate with any of da " boysclub businessez", while for da sheer necessity making consistent efforts to maintain some form of inspiring interaction, income & affectionate social life ... It sucks, drains, drives ya mad if ya let it ... What is a man .., who is a man, how do you compare, to what & whom ... Defining yrself inda negative, by showing what you're not like, without drowning conversations in torrents of dislike, is a tough start & stance to take, but at least a way to opt out of perpetuation of a horror, so yeah, Selfinvent yr interpretation of being born with da most inconsistent of genitals & da hormonal drive to create that comes with it. Guns are shadowreplicas of da penis, like everlasting steel erections full of deadly cum, opposite of natural male function... Rock out with yr cock out, appreciate consent on any level creates mutual space to engage & disengage, remember, most flowers don't have thorns, most animals ain't predators, most creatures are benign, we are driven by compassion while haunted by conflict, side effects first, question being the answer to anything but to da need for beauty, joy, affection, fun atda heart of funktionality .... Darn, since Being is a trying anyway, might as well try for being true, natural, unknowing & vulnerable,
For da pretense of knowing & being invulnerable is suicidal murder to us all, environment included ...
“Did I mention that I am Jewish” is the best line…
So much here to explore. I’m looking forward to reading more of your work. I am experiencing so much grief over what’s happening in this world. At times, there feels that there are no words.
That hit my soul; my father taught me how to not connect well. Here I’m a father of 4; disconnected to a degree trying damn hard to connect and not become my father as my marriage dissolves in my hands. With the dynamics of a 12 year EMS career eating at my heels even though I left the field 3 years ago.
Appreciate that deeply, Joe, even as I wince reading this. We choose what we know—or we allow ourselves to be chosen by it. There are others—many others—like you and me, trying to find real connection. This is one place that can happen. Thanks for reading and being here.
going to have to play with this idea of “we allow ourselves to be chosen by it.” How that plays with our past and the ghosts that shape or present interactions.
I love people who want to connect with people who come from vastly different places than themselves. Grateful for your open heart. And thank you for sharing.
I often wonder about the emotional impact of hyper-realistic first-person shooter games. It can’t be good for a disturbed lonely guy to play those all day, then jump on 4chan or whatever.
Sigh. Thank you Joy, I was actually going to reference those but thought it might be outside the purview of the piece. Let's say this: There's no part of me that thinks they're GOOD for anyone....
E.M. Forester was right: "only connect." So was W.H. Auden ("we must love one another or die"). And yet it's so fucking hard. And yet we have to do it.
Thank you as always for your smart, compassionate, insightful writing and for this important reminder.
Thank you, Seth! Yes - the resentment of women and inability to connect with emotions is a dangerous combination. And yet it seems to play out again and again. I wonder if emotional attachments in childhood weren’t formed properly. Thank you for this post!
Thank you Kristina! So many factors, likely. The cure is actually simple, in my experience: Stepping out of the shadows of self-isolation and suppressed emotions. Note that I wrote "simple," not "easy."
Seth - thanks for articulating this, brother. Lust for power is greatest in those who feel they have none at all.
One thing that comes up for me is my lifelong task of reconciling these worlds. It's a question of home.
I am of that ilk, originally trained to zip shut or blame others for my lot, to isolate with my clanking band of machinery and pain.
In healing so much of that material, I am a ghost to my former folk: at the Oregon coast, in Alaska, even as a carpenter, though I speak the language and know the postures, the ways in which my suffering shows up now is just a little too .. different to feel like I belong.
Thank you friend. You never cease to astonish me with your poetry--even if that's not what you call it!
Living in Alaska, so many men I know I recognized in your piece. Beautiful read, as well!
Thank you friend, appreciate that so much--sobering though it is....
I admire your ability to meet with an open heart. We live about halfway between Portland and the Oregon coast—rural as one can get—and as you’ve encountered, there are many lone wolves out here with Let’s Go Brandon flags flapping from their pickups. Driving by, it’s easy to judge. But in conversation, it’s such a different experience, a touching into a shared fragility, as hard as they may to hide it.
Appreciate this so much, Kimberly. I want to believe there’s a way to connect; what you write gives me a little hope.
Amazing writing. I grew up in that region and left as soon as I could. That said, I would love you to explore the urban progressive lone wolves, too. And I want to explore more about the woman angle for these guys. That haunting line you quote at the start (men with nothing promising other men control over women) ...well. It haunts still. These characters you paint so well didn't connect to women enough to dismiss that particular ghost. I'll keep reading your stuff and see if you explore that angle more. But wow. So well said. Thank you.
Thank YOU Josh, truly. And it's an ongoing exploration for sure. I'm not a "political" writer, but it so clearly illuminates the draw of conservatism as a rigid stance. Like you, I want to see where this leads too....
Defining manhood by hating women, what a copout, if anything, the attitude that passes for "male" is what endangers, isolates & torments men, since it 's so far removed from natural male energy shaping itself into a capable character. I reckon the blunt trauma sustained since the worldwars, "great" depression & such literally muted many that started as wellmeaning idealists yet came back emotionally shredded. So typical dad, haunted by nightmares of an unspeakable nature & depleted of affection, became a morose irritable figure one rather not disturb, since they are already too disturbed within to even fully be present. Couple that with the bourgouis positioning of a "man" as being da topdog bullyish knowitall that runs house & business with iron fist & rusty morality & ya got a recipe for disaster. Keeping men weak, occupied & short has long been practiced by "ruling class" also, to avoid any challenges to power, sooner send them to war than face protest & change ... So it gets quite confusing, manhood, living among too many examples of how absolutely not to be, avoiding attitudes platitudes & lingo, dodging the "boyhood forever blokes", finding ways of original expression while avoiding being taken for "any guy 's like that", which words have not endlessly been raped in conversational attempts with women, by now on high alert anytime a "man" even enters da room... As a man, the sheer embarassment & rage of awareness about what guys get up to, the unimagineable depravity, fêted ignorance & nonsensical appeals to bravery, heroism, ownership, entitlement, positional validations etc combined with the horrifying grotesk outcomes of "male" attitude & decisionmaking, it gets too much, with few other sane options than blatant Selfinvention, solitary reconstruction of mind & manners, generating fresh ways of connection & communication with little to steer by other than avoiding "normalised behaviour" at any cost, only running on yr own till ya stand out & as a consequence open to connections on a diffrent frequency, one that doesn't cause a cringe... That feeling of not knowing whether to punch or crashhug a guy for being so obnoxiously trying too hard to fill a toxic cliché that is a frightening antidote to manhood & humanity, realising abuse is sustained by enprisonment of those that physically fight against it, knowing that anytime you walk out da door yr tolerances will be challenged, you will be challenged, mocked, derided, attacked, shamed, while having to practice a distancing to prevent altercations, being tested on veracity of character constantly, not to mention unable to work, play, communicate with any of da " boysclub businessez", while for da sheer necessity making consistent efforts to maintain some form of inspiring interaction, income & affectionate social life ... It sucks, drains, drives ya mad if ya let it ... What is a man .., who is a man, how do you compare, to what & whom ... Defining yrself inda negative, by showing what you're not like, without drowning conversations in torrents of dislike, is a tough start & stance to take, but at least a way to opt out of perpetuation of a horror, so yeah, Selfinvent yr interpretation of being born with da most inconsistent of genitals & da hormonal drive to create that comes with it. Guns are shadowreplicas of da penis, like everlasting steel erections full of deadly cum, opposite of natural male function... Rock out with yr cock out, appreciate consent on any level creates mutual space to engage & disengage, remember, most flowers don't have thorns, most animals ain't predators, most creatures are benign, we are driven by compassion while haunted by conflict, side effects first, question being the answer to anything but to da need for beauty, joy, affection, fun atda heart of funktionality .... Darn, since Being is a trying anyway, might as well try for being true, natural, unknowing & vulnerable,
For da pretense of knowing & being invulnerable is suicidal murder to us all, environment included ...
“Did I mention that I am Jewish” is the best line…
So much here to explore. I’m looking forward to reading more of your work. I am experiencing so much grief over what’s happening in this world. At times, there feels that there are no words.
Appreciate that Anna. There AREN’T any more words, and yet they’re all we have….
That hit my soul; my father taught me how to not connect well. Here I’m a father of 4; disconnected to a degree trying damn hard to connect and not become my father as my marriage dissolves in my hands. With the dynamics of a 12 year EMS career eating at my heels even though I left the field 3 years ago.
Brilliant writing you’ve done here.
Appreciate that deeply, Joe, even as I wince reading this. We choose what we know—or we allow ourselves to be chosen by it. There are others—many others—like you and me, trying to find real connection. This is one place that can happen. Thanks for reading and being here.
I think this plays into it; especially my Gang of Ghosts write up mentioned in my recent post:
https://open.substack.com/pub/joepoulton/p/future-ghosts?r=e442i&utm_medium=ios
going to have to play with this idea of “we allow ourselves to be chosen by it.” How that plays with our past and the ghosts that shape or present interactions.
I love people who want to connect with people who come from vastly different places than themselves. Grateful for your open heart. And thank you for sharing.
Ah thank you friend, appreciate this so much!....
I often wonder about the emotional impact of hyper-realistic first-person shooter games. It can’t be good for a disturbed lonely guy to play those all day, then jump on 4chan or whatever.
Sigh. Thank you Joy, I was actually going to reference those but thought it might be outside the purview of the piece. Let's say this: There's no part of me that thinks they're GOOD for anyone....
E.M. Forester was right: "only connect." So was W.H. Auden ("we must love one another or die"). And yet it's so fucking hard. And yet we have to do it.
Thank you as always for your smart, compassionate, insightful writing and for this important reminder.
Thank YOU friend, appreciate this so much....
Thank you, Seth! Yes - the resentment of women and inability to connect with emotions is a dangerous combination. And yet it seems to play out again and again. I wonder if emotional attachments in childhood weren’t formed properly. Thank you for this post!
Thank you Kristina! So many factors, likely. The cure is actually simple, in my experience: Stepping out of the shadows of self-isolation and suppressed emotions. Note that I wrote "simple," not "easy."